It’s a tale of the felonious and the fabulous. The lush and the lascivious. The gilt and the guilty. It’s The Bling Ring, Sofia Coppola’s cinematic retelling of the real-life exploits of wealthy high schoolers who rose to infamy for robbing celebrity homes.
Garnering attention and alarm for turning dubious pop culture into premise, we anticipated the criminal amounts of style, sex, and superficiality on display during The Magnolia’s advanced screening earlier this week. But the movie delivered more dressed-up drama than we could’ve imagined.
As you eagerly await the film’s wide release tomorrow, Friday, June 21st, we invite you inside The Bling Ring’s pretty, petty plot for some very questionable advice. Play our quotable game of Lockup vs. Love It, below. Hit up TheBlingRing.com for trailer, theaters, and showtimes.
On selecting haute targets for B&E’s:
“I want Chanel.” – Rebecca (Katie Chang, the Ring leader)
We Love It because the label’s handbags account for the few truly tasteful fashion elements featured in the film. Most of the on-screen styling reflects the movie’s scandalously revealing plot. Not to mention, a canary-hued Chanel foldover plays a role in the fictional Ring’s downfall.
On hanging out at the home of your favorite fashion icon:
“We have to show them the nightclub room first.” – Rebecca
We vote for Lockup on this one, because if anyone breaks into the “nightclub room” in your abode and spots a stripper pole, the joke’s on you.
On choosing an outfit for the club:
“You can’t have leopard and zebra.” – Nicki (Emma Watson, the Ring’s most notorious member)
We Love It! This quote’s the only good advice included in the script, and it seems practically sage in comparison to the dialogue delivered by Leslie Mann’s character, Laurie, whose parental guidance is anything but.
On looking cool while robbing Rachel Bilson:
“It was so chill.” – Nicki
This quote gets the Lockup. The phrases “chill,” “oh.mah.gawd,” “totally,” and “I know, right?” will never be in fashion again, having reached the saturation point thanks to The Bling Ring’s rhetoric.
On finding the right accessory for invading a celebrity pad:
“I’ll bet she leaves her keys under the mat.” – Rebecca
We Love It, because when the fame-obsessed band of thieves does indeed find Paris Hilton’s house key under her doormat, it’s attached to – wait for it – an Eiffel Tower key accessory.
On soliciting feedback when getting dressed:
“Does my butt look good in these jeans?” – Sam (Taissa Farmiga, Ring member and Nicki’s unofficial adopted sister)
Total Lockup, because even your besties will eventually get tired of coming up with an affirmative answer to this annoying question.
On not stealing stylish goods from your accomplices:
“I would never do that to you.” – Rebecca
Lockup as well. Throw away anything you’ve pilfered from pals, strangers, or your favorite entertainer, because this movie proves that being forced to wear ugly, unfashionable handcuffs is likely to challenge anyone’s loyalty.
On great reasons to get gussied up for a night on the town:
“I want to rob.” – Nicki
Love It, because so long as you’re only stealing high-priced swag in a theatrical, non-criminal capacity, your bad-girl behavior could lead to an encounter with the still-incredibly-hot Gavin Rossdale, whose cameo as a low-life club owner was one of the film’s high points.
All images credit TheBlingRing.com.