stylish relationship advice column continues today, with a modern twist on the age-old waiting game. Have a question for Toni to tackle in the future? Visit our Contact Page
and tell us all about it.
I’m 22 years old and I just started seeing a guy I met on Facebook. Though we spent the last couple of months emailing and getting to know each other, we only met in person for the first time two weeks ago. Since then, he’s been obsessed with getting me into bed. I’m not opposed to going down this path, but it’s too early for me to make this decision. How do I know when the time is right?
In our world of instant gratification, it’s easy to see the upsides to meeting online. In just moments, you can weed through a sea of faces and their hobbies and interests, easily eliminating undesirable candidates. From one moment to the next, new options appear, and among the virtual hopefuls, you find someone worthy of a click.
According to the Washington Post
, 74% of single Americans (40 out of 54 million) are meeting and courting online. This statistic includes social media.
Sounds like harmless fun, and a welcome alternative to the hit-or-miss world of traditional dating. Plus, if everyone is doing it, then it must increase your odds, right? If only it was that easy.
I liken the process to vintage shopping. We all enjoy the thrill of browsing through countless racks and piles of possibilities, hoping to find that one amazing item. Then, once we've found it, we give it a quick once-over. We ask ourselves, Why’s it still here? Am I missing a major flaw? Has anyone I know worn it before?
With that comparison in mind, here’s another eye-opening statistic. A study by Cornell University
found that 80% of online daters lie in their profiles. Now that
sounds less like a vintage treasure hunt, and more like ordering from a random catalog that you’ve never heard of before. Who knows what’ll show up in person?
And that’s just the first half of your situation. Moving on to the sex
Again, according to the aforementioned study by the Washington Post, only 20% of people in serious relationships met online. An even lesser 17% of people who married last year met their spouses online.
Further, it has been my expert experience that most new relationships terminate around the third month. If you’re only 22 years old, and you have a pretty healthy dating life, then you could easily rack up three or four sexual partners per year by taking the leap in the first few weeks. Looking ahead, if the average marrying age for an American woman is 27, then in five years’ time that number could increase to 15 or 20 partners.
That’s a lot of numbers. But what do they mean?
In my opinion, all this adds up to the fact that, when you throw online dating into the mix, it’s more important than ever to consider sex carefully from the start.
Therefore, I propose a simple Sex Plan
for all single women:
- If you’re under 30, wait three months before having sex. As we just learned, this timeframe is key in the relationship.
- Women age 30 and above should wait at least one month. More than likely, at this point, whether you met online or in person, you know whether he’ll make it past the first few dates.
Above all, let your body wait until your heart knows what it wants. I’ll leave you with a final number. According to author Lisa Daily
of Dating Averages: What’s Your Normal
, most women don’t fall in love until the 14th date.
Until next time,
What Do You Think? How Long Should A Woman Wait?
Photo features model Carlotta Lennox, Kim Dawson Agency. Hair and makeup by Joanna Hathcock.