new relationship advice column continues today, with a cautionary tale from the corner office. Have a question for Toni to tackle in the future? Visit our Contact Page
and tell us all about it.
My boyfriend of eight years just left me. I’m in total shock, and I never saw this coming. We owned a house together, and we were even talking about getting married. Apparently, he has been having an affair with one of his co-workers.
Truthfully, I never trusted that woman from the very beginning, though I did invite her over to dinner and try to befriend her. Now, I feel like my whole life has been turned upside down.
What hurts the most is that I haven’t accomplished anything I set out to do. I gave up my dreams of finishing school and becoming a nurse, because I was so focused on this relationship. I don’t think I’ll ever trust a man again. Thoughts?
Thoughts? I have many
My first thought is that you should be thankful! Sure, it hurts right now, but you’ll begin to understand how lucky you are soon. Relationships founded on mistrust never last, so good luck to your ex and his new lady friend.
This brings me to something that happened last week at Mi Cocina. I was having lunch by myself, when I spotted a couple pull up in a yellow Ferrari outside the window. They walked inside, sat in the booth directly behind me, and I initially thought, Wow, what an attractive couple
Then, over the course of my Rico salad, I realized those two people were not dating, but they were very close
co-workers. Forgive me for eavesdropping, but they were speaking loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to hear.
Here’s the Cliffs Notes version of what I gathered from their conversation:
- He enjoys attention.
- Both he and she are in committed relationships.
- They go to lunch together quite often.
- He says all the right things to make her like him.
- She’s interested in him. Really interested.
Throughout the meal, the female co-worker’s persistence became apparent. I gathered she was an assistant, perhaps trying to climb her way up the corporate pole. Though the man proclaimed his current girlfriend to be a ‘Perfect 10’, at one point the woman went so far as to ask him if he was really
happy in his relationship. She was just wondering, she explained, because she wasn’t so happy in her own.
There’s a lesson to be learned here, times two:
1. As my grandma always says, “¡No vaya trayéndolo a la boca del lobo!”
In other words, “Don’t go bringing it to the wolf’s mouth.”
There are women out there who don’t believe in the Female Code
, as I call it. They will prey on your man, and a close workplace relationship can offer them a (stiletto-clad) foot in the door. Trust your woman’s intuition when it tells you that something’s off.
2. Never give up your dreams for someone.
Now that you’re single again, where do you go from here? For starters, go back to school. It’s never
too late. Next, think twice before living with someone ever again. If marriage is your goal, don’t give out the milk for free.
Finally, join a yoga class or a softball team or a cooking club. You have more free time now, so spend it on yourself. There’s nothing worse than looking in the mirror and seeing bitterness
. It can become permanent.
Most importantly, don’t let him get the best of you. The best
is yet to come.
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Photo features model Carlotta Lennox, Kim Dawson Agency. Hair and makeup by Joanna Hathcock.