In her first Q&A column for DFW Style Daily, model, actress, and writer Toni Munoz-Hunt offers a bit of bedroom-focused advice to spice up a marriage. Have a question for Toni to tackle in the future? Visit our Contact Page and tell us all about it.
My husband and I have been married for a couple of years now, and this year is a really big year for both of us. We’re both turning forty, and with this big birthday comes the big decision not to have children. I’m truly at peace with this decision, but there are times when I feel a small void. We go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch our shows, have sex or not have sex, and then go to bed. That’s our daily routine. I love my husband, but I worry a little about falling into a rut. How do we stay connected and keep things exciting, especially now that we are sure that it’s going to be just the two of us?
First and foremost, know that you’re normal. Congratulations! Often, we’re met with that I-must-be-the-only-one feeling when recognizing our own issues. And, of course, the last thing we want to feel or be is alone. Most couples – whether with children, childfree, or with kids who have moved out of the house – share your concern.
I have a few tips for you, but before we delve into the solution, let me start by applauding your brave and personal decision. Children shouldn’t be brought into a marriage out of duty. They’re a blessing and a gift, not an afterthought.
But that’s not the real issue here. I think you’re worried about getting stuck in a routine, about becoming roommates, and about losing the spark. Your decision has changed the dynamics of the relationship, but not who you are as a couple.
Here is my two-part solution:
1. Watch Out For The 3 W’s
Your daily routine is not that different from anyone else’s; even couples with children can relate. It’s important to remember that the bedroom is one of the only places where you have time to be alone and work on your relationship. So, first and foremost, don’t waste this opportunity on the 3 W’s:
- Watching TV
- Wondering About Tomorrow
2. The Bedroom Experiment
For part two, I recommend taking your average bedroom time and cutting it in half. Allow the first half to be spent on the 3 W’s – you’ll only set yourself up for failure if you attempt to eliminate them altogether from the start. The second half, however, is an opportunity for a little one-on-one. Try the following two experimental games this week:
- Tops & Bottoms/Pits & Perks: Straddle your man and tell him both the “pit” and the “perk” of your day. Then, flip it around and let him do the same. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how fun and sexy it is, and where it might take you later in the evening.
- Small Body-Part Massages: Workdays are long and tiring, but it’s also tiring to give someone an entire full-body massage. Instead, choose a part – a hand, a foot, the shoulders, etc. Then, give your mate a 10-minute massage on the part of your choosing.
In conclusion, I don’t believe in gimmicks to keep a marriage together, but I do believe in a little effort and experimentation.
Kick the routine, and keep the love alive!
Hair and make-up by Yvonne Coan (Kim Dawson Agency).